I just had an interesting idea for a way to protest the nationalization of health care in America. It’s brilliant in its simplicity, really.

Everyone start calling your local Congressman and Senators, asking for medical advice. Alternatively, call the White House switchboard.

I don’t imagine it would take long to make the point.

It can be annoyingly difficult to plan my meals around what’s on TV when there’s nothing on TV.

They must think it very strange that humans only sleep once a day, but for 7 to 10 hours at a time.

I’m back again to solve the world’s problems in my inimitable style. What do we do with the Gitmo detainees if we can’t keep them in Gitmo anymore? Set them free? Send them home? Let them loose inside America?

We do this. Each one gets a pacemaker. If it doesn’t receive a certain coded signal at an irregular interval, it zaps the heart. If it does receive a different coded signal, it zaps the heart. If it contacts gaseous oxygen or nitrogen, it zaps the heart. If it is electrically disrupted, it explodes and/or releases a toxin into the tissues. It has a battery life of six months, and can only be recharged in a particular way, or it zaps the heart. If the battery dies, something nasty happens. You get the idea. This pacemaker constantly transmits a GPS signal that can be read by satellite and the local cell tower system. The GPS coordinates can be read off the internet.

Having installed these pacemakers, the detainees are released into the general population of the United States.

A reward is to be paid to anyone turning in one of these pacemakers to their local law enforcement agency, no questions asked.

Problem solved.

I’m ready to call the murderer on this CBS murder mystery show.

Except I don’t remember his name; too many characters. Nevertheless, I believe it to be the guy who’s married to the bride’s sister and is boinking her mom. There was a shotgun on the bed in the scene where we found out about the mother-in-law boinking, later used to off the ex-boyfriend of the bride. He just fake-tried to kill the bride to ingratiate himself with the groom, so the groom won’t blab about the affair. Plus, his daughter is creepy.

Okay, I don’t have a lot to go on, but still, that’s my call.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Just… seriously.

Damn, dude.

This is one of those ideas I have; if you know what I mean, you know what I mean.

What if everyone went to their pertinent payroll offices and reduced their tax withholding as far as possible? To zero if they allow it. Then, next year, when tax time rolls around, everyone waits until April 15 to send in their tax checks.

Obviously, you would need to keep the cash so you could pay it back next year (and using it to earn interest/dividends for yourself in the meanwhile). So, what would be the point?

Starving the IRS. To the extent possible, we the people keep our money out of government hands as long as we can. Presumably, the government requires a certain amount of regular cash flow to operate. So, we screw that up. Remind them who really pays the bills.

What would happen? This is an honest question; I’m terrible at determining consequences.

I recognize, by the way, that this suggestion, if implemented, is counter to my own self-interest.

For a tea party protest sign.

A) “New Rule: 1)Read 2)Debate 3)Vote”
B) “Stop spending my money! I’ve got none left”

This one’s a lousy sign, but a pithy line I thunk up:
“When parents tell their kids anyone can grow up to be President, I don’t think this is what they have in mind.”

When discussing hyperinflation, the image most commonly invoked is using a wheelbarrow full of money to buy a single loaf of bread.

Where do they get the wheelbarrow full of money?

I can’t show you a picture because I never figured that out, but I made two loaves of bread from base materials. It’s like alchemy, but you can eat it. The crust is hard like rock, and the flavor is bland, but it’s my first time. Maybe raisins or something.